My therapist says I'm supposed to write in here every day. Right now, I'm fucked up on xanax waiting for jury duty. I've been feeling deeply depressed. I'm going to get on meds today. I can't stop thinking about my wife. What I'll say when she leaves, the joy I'll feel if she stays. What I'll tell the kids. Basically every detail of everything we've ever done said or will do or say. I think I am going actually crazy. I know I need to stop and take care of myself, I just don't know how at the moment. I'm sure I'll figure it all out. I am strong.